Wow…it seems like every time I write I say I’m going to try and post more, and then I promptly vanish for weeks on end again. I’m having a weird year. Mostly good, but I think that now things have slowed down and I’m not in non-stop panic mode like I was last year and at the beginning of this year, I’ve finally been able to start processing things and I’ve been struggling with depression quite a bit. I’ve been doing a lot of work on myself and working through a lot of stuff though and even though things are really tough at times, I’d still take my darkest times now over the way things were before, because even though I get really depressed, I’m still in a much happier place than I was and am more at peace with myself than I’ve ever been.
I’ve been doing a lot of sewing, but I’ve also started writing poetry and stuff again, which feels really good. I’ve written more in the last month or so than I had in the last 11+ years. I thought that I couldn’t write anymore and that the writer in me had died, so it has been really good to see that I was wrong about that.
I’ve also been making a lot of collages in the last two weeks or so, which was always the only kind of visual art this non-artist could create. I always feel best when I’m creating, no matter what form that comes in – writing, sewing, making collages. I’ve also been drawing a lot and though I’ve never been great at it, I really love to draw, so it feels really good to be doing that again too.
I’ve been playing a lot of guitar and teaching myself a ton of new songs. Recently I taught myself to play David Bowie’s Diamond Dogs album from start to finish, which I’m really proud of. It was the first time I’d ever taught myself to play an entire album. Playing it has been a great way of relieving stress and working through fear – especially the kind of stress and fear that comes from probably spending a little too much time watching the news. When it feels like the world is in flames, I pick up my guitar. At this point, I honestly don’t know what I’d do without it.
I’m more myself than I’ve been in over a decade, but at the same time, a much better version of that self. It feels really good. I’m just sorry that between the gloomy times and the periods of intense creativity, I haven’t been around much.
I’ll write a separate post with some of the collages I’ve been making, but I’ll end this post with one of the songs I’ve been playing the most this summer, because it just feels right to show you why my neighbors probably hate me by now…I don’t really care though, this entire album is absolute perfection* and no one heals my soul like Bowie.
*Seriously, if you haven’t heard this album, you really should check it out. It just might be one of the best albums of all time and is definitely one of my favourites. Bowie was an absolute genius.